Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
