At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
