i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize