thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we made out on top of his cat.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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