finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
