I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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