i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
