someone get that fucking seahorse.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
