Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
