She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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