I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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