Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
