i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
