dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"it" just moved
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
