At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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