i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
