Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
