smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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