nut hugger
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
