saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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