Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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