i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
