this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you didnt know i had herpes?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
