Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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