So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize