I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
