i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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