I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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