if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
