Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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