I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
