For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
