she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Holy sore nipples Batman
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
