Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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