She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
