his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
