Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
