he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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