Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
