Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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