Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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