The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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