The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
