How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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