I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
