So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
