Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
