I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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