I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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