I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
