it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize