I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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