So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
