That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
