At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize