Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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