I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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