I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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