So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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