Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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