Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i think my cat just said my name.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
