I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
