he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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