May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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