I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
