this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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