I wanna bring you to show and tell
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
