The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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