We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
