The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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