I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
