And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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