Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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