Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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