New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
