I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
