Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
