Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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