DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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