i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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