Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
