So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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