He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
my liver is dry heaving
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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