some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
