I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
